Manipulation Within “Holding Space”. Sibyl Magazine, December 2016

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SHAKTI BECKONS THE GODDESS…

Stop the Manipulation Within “Holding Space”                           Sibyl logo

By Julie K. Halevan

 In new age circles and amongst spiritual people, I hear, frequently, the cliché’, “holding space”.  As an example, I have this friend who is not in an ideal relationship with her spouse – I believe a 15+ year marriage. She has commented on numerous occasions how unsupportive, emotional abusive and dispassionate the relationship has become.  Yet, she’s always proclaiming that it would be prudent to “see this through” and trudge forward and to keep “holding space” for the relationship and her husband; weathering the storm, to learn and grow, as souls, from this married experience.

I’m going to be blatantly honest here and say, “how ridiculous”!  Her intuition is clearly letting her know that this experience is not one she wants anymore and is no longer a match or mirror of who she is. Why would anyone discount their intuitions and instincts for choosing “holding space”?.  That intuitive sense is also sacred.  As far as dysfunctional relationships go, sometimes a partner is literally pushing the other out of the way so that he/she can be with themselves, to heal. And yet the other remains steadfast and dedicated on holding and staying present.  How fair is that to both persons?  Why do we do this?

Well, perhaps it is due to fear and lack of self-worth.  We use “holding space” as an excuse.  It becomes a reason for not making real changes in our lives.  Life would get inconvenient, and we can’t have that.  If  feeling insecure, then it would be “easier” to stay.  At least, there is a warm body present, even if it feels heavy and unharmonious.  That being and what it emits has become familiar.  If it’s a bad situation, then that, even if discordant, is a known.  Also, it makes us feel special when we can say that we need to be present as a role model and a holder of positive energy …”that person needs me”.

Don’t get me completely wrong.  Holding space with love and non- attachment or judgement can be commendable and compassionate in certain circumstances.  However, if you have become a victim of an abusive situation or someone else’s pain, or it just plain doesn’t feel right, it’s time to walk away and completely detach.

It’s okay to depart, literally and energetically, to allow the situation or the person to live out their own story without you.  Let them become their own hero.  Perhaps, they DON’T need you. Just maybe we should consider less “holding space” (for others or a situation) and become more self-centered.  And I mean that in an empowering way.  Take care of who you are.  Stay focused on your journey to bring more light to yourself, thereby collectively creating more luminosity for all of humanity!

enso

 

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