SHAKTI BECKONS THE GODDESS…
Spiritual Mission Aside – Embrace the Child, Within! 
It dawned on me one afternoon, a couple years back, that, wow, I was pissed off and hadn’t been conscious of my angst. I had experienced a long term relationship with a friend, whereby consistent periods of “push/pull”, confusion and manipulation played an integral part of our ‘spiritual relationship’ dynamic. It wasn’t all bad, to be fair. There was immense joy inherent, too. She is most definitely a soul-mate. We didn’t set out to harm each other. However, the friendship was not easy, and I was fooling myself. Why was I numb and trying to remain immune to the discordance? I realized that I had completely abandoned my inner child, instead, insisting on the ‘spiritual high-road’. I finally discovered that spiritual evolution begins with the ‘small Self ‘.
I began to hear my inner child say things like, “Why is this favorite person and your spiritual trips and status more worthy of attention than me?…you’re always trying to take the ‘higher perspective’…clearing, cleansing, expanding, contemplating, meditating and transcending ego…all the while, neglecting me, the one who wants to be acknowledged, nurtured and played with”. Further, I heard, “Why do you think I create chaos and discord for you?. It’s to get your attention”. “I will keep deconstructing things for you, to lead you to the realization that true evolution begins with me”.
I began to take heed, apologizing to my innocence. “I ran over you. I am sorry”. Once “the child” had been heard, she was very forgiving. I realized that ‘oneness’ begins with me first; that I needed to experience the unity between my loving sweet innocent soul with my mind. I needed to marry expanded crown with open, waiting heart. I yearned for better internal alignment. I began to practice many body-centered activities. Simple playing became more important than outward spiritual quests. Being silly was my priority. Hugging myself and engaging in all activities that I deemed most fun, became my new mission. I became my new hunger.
I was finally aware that I could never be fulfilled until I made ‘little Julie’ my priority. I embraced the honesty within…and the love of my simple and beautiful humanness. I felt so real and pure in that moment of realization, and it was great relief. I had made peace with my innocence. Naturally, then, my life and all my relationships, including the one with my special friend, began to soar in the most healthy and expanded ways.
I allow the child to steer the ship, now. We delight in play. I allow her to come to the surface. As is quoted in scripture, “If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you…If you do not, it will destroy you”.
